14 Smoking Accessories that Nobody Should Own
Double-Barrel Cigarette Holder
First up, we have this double-barrel cigarette holder. Makes perfect sense, right? You’ve got two lungs, gotta have two cigarettes. Of course if you used this I don’t think you’d have two lungs for very long…
Whole Cigarette Factory Contained in Single Tobacco Can
I’m not entirely sure that’s tobacco he’s rolling up there.
Remote Smoking Apparatus
This one is actually kind of neat, but it’d probably be better for smoking something else…
Ash Tray Fits Cigarette
Dude, just get an ashtray. Or don’t. It seems like you’d end up grabbing the end of the cigarette and the weight of this thing would break your cigarette in half.
Invalid “Fed” Cigarettes on a Stick
Thank god someone has solved the age old problem of how to smoke in a hospital bed when both of your arms are broken! And people say nicotine isn’t addictive?
Wrist Lighter
How on earth is this actually easier than a normal lighter?
Pipe Holster
If you thought cell phone holsters were the dumbest looking things on earth, think again.
Vest-Pocket Ash Tray
And when you miss the ashtray you get to burn a nice hole in your vest, or get a pocket full of ashes.
Cigarette Holder for Nudists
You really don’t want to know where that guy kept his cigarettes before this was invented.
Cigarette Case Keeps Account of Smokes Given to Friends
I think that anyone cheap enough to need one of these would be too cheap to actually buy one.
Keeps Smoke Out Of Eyes
And blow it into somebody else’s eyes.
Trained Cockroach Smuggles Smokes
Ok, this one is just cool. Plus, if you’re stuck in solitary it’s actually pretty damn useful.
NEW CIGARETTE PUT UP IN WATERPROOF PAPER
This sounds like a pretty good idea but you really have to wonder what kind of god awful chemical they used to make it waterproof.
Safety Holder for Fag Smokers
And finally this ridiculously giant ashtray ring thing. It’s only redeeming quality is that if you squint hard enough you could swear this was a black and white snapshot from one of those Star Trek TNG episodes where Picard goes all gangster in the holodeck.
The first one just blows my mind… why would anyone want to smoke two at a time?
These pics look like they’re from the 30’s and 40’s and the portable and built in ashtrays seem out of place. Because… I watch old film noir movies and they always light a cig and throw their matches and flick the ashes right on the floor.
I didn’t have to squint too hard in the last pic… That is Captain Picard and the second pic reminds me of FDR.
Comment by Gazzie — March 20, 2008 @ 12:10 am
It is amazing to me that with all of out technical advances, there are very few that are actually useful to the smoker’s. Smokeless ashtray is about the only thing I can think of.
Comment by Githyanki — March 20, 2008 @ 4:22 am
OMG! the double barrel cigarette comment made me laught!
First up, we have this double-barrel cigarette holder. Makes perfect sense, right? You’ve got two lungs, gotta have two cigarettes.
Man, that is one of the silliest smoking accessories ever!
Comment by albear — March 20, 2008 @ 11:01 am
Photo #2: Marty! Welcome to my experiment, this the big one! Inhale at 88mph and the flux capacitor sitting atop sends you traveling through time!
Comment by Tuckeroo — March 20, 2008 @ 5:15 pm
Geordi, can you beam this monkey off my back?
Comment by mdhatter — March 21, 2008 @ 9:42 am
Actually re that last one, Picard would actually “go all Detective”, not “gangster”.
Comment by Sorcerer Mickey — March 22, 2008 @ 7:09 am
cool
Comment by lucassio — April 14, 2008 @ 10:25 am
Githyanki Wrote:
“It is amazing to me that with all of out technical advances, there are very few that are actually useful to the smoker’s. Smokeless ashtray is about the only thing I can think of.”
but what about the iron lung ? and the many many other medical advances made to help the smoker keep it up
Comment by phil — May 2, 2008 @ 5:31 am
Should be 15 items. You left off the ass pipe. An early invention upon the introduction of tobacco to Europe. The tobacco museum in Tennessee has several on display. Also the source of the phrase, “blowing smoke up someone’s ass”.
Comment by Shawn — May 5, 2008 @ 9:22 am
Okay as a non tobacco smoker the whole watch lighter things seems much harder than a regular lighter, that being said I want one because it is just cool.
Comment by Brad — May 5, 2008 @ 1:45 pm
As a smoker, picture 3 looks brill! Might try and find one myself.
Comment by Dale — May 6, 2008 @ 2:25 am
Smock every day :))))
Comment by website design — May 6, 2008 @ 2:36 am
“I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.”
“As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. ”
-Mark Twain
Comment by WinnemuccaMac — May 6, 2008 @ 11:08 am
mad props for the picard going gangster comment
Comment by twst — May 6, 2008 @ 1:50 pm
The comment by Shawn re source of blowing smoke up ones ass may be off. Book “Bring out your dead” about 1700’s Philladelphia Yellow Fever epidemic reports on “tobacco smoke enemas” as a treatment. Also women and children smoking cigars, pipes and cigarettes to ward off the miasma.
Comment by joe — May 8, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
The same advertising power that made the 40’s look retarded has us running around in gas guzzlers and striving to live in McMansions we can’t afford. . . Same ads, diffrent assholes!
Comment by Uncle B — May 14, 2008 @ 3:26 pm
Cigarette holder for nudists -AND Airmen in dress blues; Besides in you hat, it’s difficult to stay strictly in regs because your smokes make a bulge in uniform pockets. Wrist lighter: harder for someone to borrow and “forget” to return. Keeps smoke out of eyes: I could sure use this one when wearing my contact lenses, especially while chain smoking while web surfing. The hospital pic is very sad, I assume it’s injured soldiers. Today you aren’t allowed to smoke in a hospital, and let me tell you that besides the obvious addiction, it makes trauma, pain, and general stresses of winding up in a hospital even more difficult to deal with. They’ll give a junkie some medication relief, but legal smokers are forced to suffer.
Comment by Brian — June 2, 2008 @ 9:32 am
Awesome list! I get such a kick out of old devices. And for the person who said they wanted one of #3 - the one for smoking in bed, would you believe I recently bought 2 different ones at an auction recently? lol I had never seen such a thing before so I had to have them.
Anyway, thanks for creating this list! Great job!
Comment by my77raisins — June 26, 2008 @ 11:57 pm
Cool list! And holy shits it does look like Picard xD
Comment by Samamerz — July 2, 2008 @ 8:40 am
The second photo looks like the first Dr. Who.
Comment by jayessell — July 2, 2008 @ 11:10 am