Archive
Advertisements
TOBACCO SLAVERY (May, 1934)

TOBACCO SLAVERY
Brings Ruined Health, Wasted Dollars
The most inveterate smoker or chewer will positively HATE tobacco in any form within one week, using KILL-TOBAC. Complete, guaranteed treatment costs only $1 postpaid. KILL-TOBAC is not a drug- or internal medicine. Leaves no bad effects. KILL-TOBAC ends the craving- simply and quickly. Men and women welcome this new, easy way to freedom from the Tobacco habit.

Send $1 for complete treatment and money-back guarantee.
Salesmen Wanted to Introduce Kill-Tobac
KILL-TOBAC REMEDY CO. 610B Kasota Bldg. Minneapolis, Minn.

.
YOU CAN BE A PHYSIOTHERAPIST (Nov, 1931)

You’d think this might sell better if they just changed the headlines to: “Rub Naked Women for Money. Our Free Movies Show You How!”

YOU CAN BE A PHYSIOTHERAPIST

Be Your Own Boss Have Nicer Work

Earn More Money

Be a Person of Importance in Your Community

Here is a new, easily learned profession, originated by the sudden new demand for drugless methods of healing. The scientific name for the new calling is “Physiotherapy.” It requires no unusual manual skill and needs no supervised clinical practice. Hence any man or woman of mature intelligence can quickly master the fundamentals and enter this dignified profession, where the demand is urgent and the fees large.

.
Dear John Toilet Seat (Mar, 1954)

“Dear John, I’m leaving you, here’s a toilet seat to remember me by”.

Dear John
DECORATE YOUR TOILET SEAT
12 Colorful Designs. Brighten up your bathroom. Designs for any home. Modern, Circus, Farm House, His & Hers, and many others. Apply these designs yourself-easy as decals—on all 4 sides of your toilet seat Water and acid proof Won’t rub off. Handy “Dear John” DO-IT-YOURSELF Kit only $4 95 with simple instructions to fit all toilet seats Your monogrammed initials to match, add $1.00. Or send for complete hand decorated seat $24.50. Guaranteed satisfaction. Order from “Dear John,” Dept. A-22-459 No Canon Drive, Beverly Hills, California. Send 10c for illustrated catalog.

.
Play a Saw (Mar, 1948)

Play a Saw

Quickly produce saw music of amazing, voicelike beauty. Without knowing one note from another, without using music, soon play such songs as “Long, Long Trail”, “Till we Meet Again,” and other favorites old and new. No notes to read, no dreary practice — success guaranteed.

.
PIN-UP GIRLS (Mar, 1945)

Everyone knows that the pin-up girls men like most are the pocket sized ones!

PIN-UP GIRLS
The kind men like! (Pocket size). 10 different PINUPS sent for 50c or 25 assorted for $1. Shipped prepaid in plain wrapper. No C. O. D.’s. Send cash or money order. No stamps.
NUDKI, Dept.P-236
Box 126, G.P.O., New York 1

.
What’s My Job? – I Manufacture Weaklings into MEN! (Sep, 1944)

This is pretty gross, but apparently if you slather yourself in ground meat labeled “Energy”, “Strength” and “Muscle”, you will become a man!

What’s My Job? – I Manufacture Weaklings into MEN!

GIVE ME a skinny, pepless, second-rate body —and I’ll cram it so full of handsome, bulging new muscle that your friends will grow bug-eyed! . . . I’ll wake up that sleeping energy of yours and make it hum like a high-powered motor! Man, you’ll feel and look different! You’ll begin to LIVE!

.
I go for a TALL man (Mar, 1954)

I go for a TALL man
Wishing won’t make you TALLER . .. but “ELEVATORS” will! In these wonderful height-increasing shoes you grow almost 2 inches the instant you put them on.

The Original and Genuine ELEVATORS*
Height-Increasing Shoes
“Your Personal Pedestal”
*Trade Mark of Stone-Tarlow Co., Inc.

.
U.S. Steel & Univac (Nov, 1956)

U.S. Steel & Univac

United States Steel Corporation is another of the great American industries that have had the vision to realize the full benefits of Univac data-processing. For Univac, today, is providing U. S. Steel with the electronic management controls and procedures which are to revolutionize the business world of tomorrow.

.
HARLEY-DAVIDSON: Race with the Leaves! (Nov, 1931)

Race with the leaves? Are you serious? That’s the best slogan you could come up with? To me a race implies a competitive event, with a winner and a looser. You don’t know who’s going to win from the outset, that’s what makes it a RACE. So what they are saying in this ad is: Cruising along on your Harley with the throttle all the way open, driving as fast as you can; you may still be passed by a leaf. You know a leaf, falling from a tree. Or kicked up by a light breeze.

Why not just say: “Harley Davidson – It’s faster than walking.”*

(except for very fast walkers)

Update: I saw (via Boing Boing) that the current Worth 1000 Photoshop contest is titled “Bad Ads“. I think that this ad fits the contest better than some of the actual entries, but they are very funny nonetheless. If you haven’t checked out the Worth 1K contests you should, they can be hilarious.

Race with the Leaves!
BREEZE down an Autumn road, free as the red leaves that swirl along with you. Open up the eager motor of your Harley-Davidson — feel the thrill of its power, the surge of its silent speed. What a motorcycle!

Have you seen the 1932 models? They are better performers than ever — handsomer, more comfortable, better equipped—yet the prices are much lower.
Your dealer wants to show you these new Harley-Davidsons — and tell you about his Pay-As-You-Ride Plan. Why not look him up today?

Only $195 at Factory
Lowest-priced motorcycle ever offered by Harley-Davidson. A swift, sturdy Single, fully equipped—complete electrical system, 3-speed transmission, front and rear brakes, all conveniences. Easy to handle — costs almost nothing to run. Ask your Dealer.
Ride a HARLEY-DAVIDSON

.
Woo-Wee Wolf Whistle Auto Horn (Mar, 1948)

Woo-Wee Wolf Whistle Auto Horn

Reproduces ‘Wolf Whistle’ better than any sailor. Screeches, barks, whistles, imitates siren moves any ‘road hog’ off the highway in “double quick plus” Attract more attention than by driving a yellow Cadillac. Operates from manifold. Intall-ed on any car in 15 minutes. Sturdily constructed Cleverest novelty since the use of the auto. Be the first user in your neighborhood. Dealers wanted. Absolute money back guarantee. 6 dollars each. Order today Ohio orders add 3% tax.
THE PROTECTUROD COMPANY -Dept 102 4033 Windsor Road • Youngstown 7, Ohio

.