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One-Date Dick (Sep, 1949)

Are You a “One-Date Dick” or a KING OF MUSCLE?

Girl: “Sorry, Dick. I’m busy every night.
Dick: “Aw – what’s wrong with me?”
Salesman: “I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You’re puny. You need to pack on some muscle.”
Dick: “But how?”
Salesman: “Get information on the Paramount bar bell system. It’s FREE!”
Dick: “Do you think it will work?”
- Later –
Girl: “Hello, handsome – how did you get so husky all of a sudden?”
Dick: “IT WORKS ALL RIGHT!”

Yes! – and in just 5 Minutes every other day, YOU, too, can have a new physique, added height, glowing health and vigor, with world-famous Paramount Bar Bells. At any age, you con gain new popularity, and probably boost your own paycheck through the sheer vitality of a powerful new build. Send now for FREE Paramount “Self-Check Chart.” Learn sensational new low prices of Paramount Bar Bells, sold at direct-from-factory savings Get started NOW to be a King of Muscle! Act TODAY!
GIFT CHART-FREE!

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MONEY in WORMS (Jul, 1955)

MONEY in WORMS
Make thousands of dollars raising- and selling fishworms and crickets—Start in backyard or basement—No odor—No experience necessary. Free Literature —No obligation. Write CARTER WORM RANCH, PLAINS, GEORGIA

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CONSTIPATION— The Plague of the World (May, 1939)

So says Charles Atlas.

If You Had Only 10 Days to Live
Suppose doctors said you had only ten days more to live! What would you give to have another ten YEARS of life? “Anything in the world !” you would say. Unfortunately, it would be too late. NOW, while you have many years more to live, is the time to fortify yourself against later troubles.

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Big City Sign (Oct, 1939)

Very cool article from 1939 about the first programmable electronic sign in Times Square (think the grandfather of the Jumbotron). Every single change of a light, and there are 27,000 of them, is punched as a row on a 160 column roll of paper that gets fed through the vast machine.

Oh, and in response to the question posed here:

“The paper is wide enough for 160 perforated holes across. One hundred holes to represent all the lights in each zone. Thirty to represent the zones in all the sectors. And nine to represent the sectors.”

“But that’s only 139 holes’” we remark brightly.

“Well, there are nine holes to erase the sectors.”

“That’s 148.”

“And nine for flashing the sectors on and off.”

“That’s 157.”

“And—” Mr. Latz scratched his head. “There’s three more for something else, but darned if I know what they are!”

The answers are:
158 – displays goatse
159 – displays Xeyes. Every platform needs Xeyes.
160 – reserved for pending MPAA DRM solution.

Big City Sign

“How does it work?” is the question most frequently heard, as New Yorkers and visitors gaze at the sign whose color and action make it one of Broadway’s most startling attractions.

27,000 light bulbs! 40 miles of wiring! 500,000 connections!

THESE figures are impressive, but an electric “spectacular” must depend on more than sheer size to attract attention in New York City’s Times Square, which has the most imposing collection of electric signs in the world. It must have action, color, and originality—and that’s just what the Wonder-sign, newest and brightest addition to the Great White Way’s signs, has.

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E-Z BILT HALL CLOCK (Apr, 1939)

I love this ad. They obviously couldn’t afford the more expensive vertical or square ads, so they just put the clock in sideways.

E-Z BILT HALL CLOCK
The sensible Red-i-Kut Way as thousands have for pleasure and profit. NEW lower
prices—smarter designs—Fine brass weight, beautiful Westminster, tube chime,
spring, electrics. Send Quarter today for simple blueprint. 60 Picture HOW Book.
KUEMPEL CHIME CLOCK CO., Bldg. A-7, Guttenberg. Iowa

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Learn How to HYPNOTIZE! (Jun, 1949)

Learn How to HYPNOTIZE!

Develop your personal POWER!

NOW… revealed tor you … are the secrets of practical hypnotism … that strange, compelling force by which an expert operator can bring others under his power. He can sway people at will—issue commands and be obeyed—virtually cast a spell over his subjects. This sensational knowledge may make YOU a more dominant, masterful personality.

Illustrated SELF-INSTRUCTION COURSE in Useful Hypnotism

Amazing lessons in simple, easy-to-understand language. How to select a subject— how to hypnotize by telephone—how to make money from hypnotism—mental telepathy— stage hypnotism—self-hypnosis—how to use modern hypnotism to conquer inferiority complex, timidity, etc. Clear helpful pictures show operating positions, movements. Startling low price. Satisfaction guaranteed or money back.

Full price only $1.95 postpaid, nothing: more to pay. You will be amazed at what practical hypnotism can do for you! Use the no-risk coupon below . . . and mail it today.
Nelson-Hall Co., 1139 S. Wabash Ave., Chicago 5, III.

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Transistor Ad (Jul, 1952)

THE TRANSISTOR

A picture report of progress

A tiny amplifying device first announced by Bell Telephone Laboratories in 1948 is about to appear as a versatile element in telephony.

Each step in the work on the transistor . . . from original theory to initial production technique . . . has been carried on within the Laboratories. Thus, Bell scientists demonstrate again how their skills in many fields, from theoretical physics to production engineering, help improve telephone service.

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Inflatable Shorts (Aug, 1971)

Here’s the easy, effective way to trim down waist, abdomen, hips, thighs!

New Inflatable Air Shorts provide pneumatic support plus massage to help you slenderize where you need it most!

This may well be the easiest, most comfortable trim-down method you’ve ever tried. All you do is slip into these astounding new slenderizing shorts and inflate them with the little hand pump we provide. Then merely do a few simple exercises, housework or any usual daily activity. What happens after that is likely to amaze you. The puffy, snug-fitting pockets of air which surround you actually work to provide gentle pneumatic support plus effective massage while they generate additional body heat.

Guaranteed Results!

You’ll notice the improvement almost immediately in four vital areas. Yes, we guarantee it! Your Inflatable Air Shorts must help you trim down your waist, abdomen, hips and thighs . . . must help you look slimmer and younger, faster than you’d believe possible — or your purchase price refunded without question!
Save $3.00! Send Now!

Take advantage of this unusual no-risk opportunity. Inflatable Air Shorts were originally sold at $9.99. Our direct-by-mail price is only $6.99. (You save $3.00!) One size fits both men and women.
Send coupon today!

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Become a well-paid computer programmer (Jun, 1970)

Yes, if you become a computer programmer chicks will dig you. Learn to say the words every woman loves to hear: “Do not fold, spindle or mutilate”

Don’t waste your life in a dead-end job!

Become a well-paid computer programmer – this free McGraw-Hill booklet tells you how.

Now you can train at home in your spare time, for a career in this new, exciting field.
More than 50,000 programmers are needed now; many more will be needed within the next few years.
No college or technical background required. All you need is a logical mind and proper training. People from virtually every walk of life have found success in computer programming.
This new course has been developed by experts. CREI/McGraw-Hill has trained thousands of men and women for better jobs through home study and has an unmatched reputation in educational circles.
No stamp needed. This fold-over coupon forms i a postpaid envelope. Cut along dotted line. Fold, seal, tape or staple and mail.

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Raise Capons (Jul, 1952)

Friday Animals for profit blogging:

CAPONS
HICKORY ACRES
6-WKS. OLD STARTED
Easy, Profitable to Raise

Wonderful, tender capon meat brings top prices — makes finest eating. Easy to raise in back yard, on farm, or with other chicks. Hickory Acres 6.-Wks. Old Capons are your best buy. Cost less than day old turkeys — easier to raise. Write for prices. information.
HICKORY ACRES CAPON FARM
BOX PM, WINDSOR, MISSOURI

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