“Suppose I get sick? After all, I’m only human. And if I do get a touch of colic … or have a nervous breakdown … do you know what’ll bring it on? Worry! Yes, sir, worrying about how long it would take us to get the doctor if anything should happen.

“Or suppose a pipe bursts in the bathroom? Or a burglar comes along? When something like that happens you don’t write a letter, or go after help on horseback. No, sir. You hop to a telephone!

“And what about my mother? She’s got marketing to do. Sometimes she needs to get in touch with Dad during the day. And there are errands to be run. Well, she can’t do all those things without a telephone . . . and at the same time give me the attention I expect.

“All Dad needs to do to have a telephone is get in touch with the Business Office. I’d do it myself if I could just get out. But I can’t. So is it any wonder that worry is keeping me awake half the day?”


  1. Eamon says: March 26, 20117:58 am

    Buy a telephone or your baby will die!

  2. Repack Rider says: March 26, 20118:10 am

    I want a telephone in my pocket!

  3. Charlene says: March 26, 201111:46 am

    He might not have that nervous breakdown in the first place if you buy him a comb.

  4. Toronto says: March 26, 201112:41 pm

    Charlene: A comb? Are you kidding? I think I saw him panhandling on Queen West with that hair, just a few days ago.

  5. Hip2b2 says: March 26, 20113:45 pm

    This is very similar to the advertising that was used to encourage us to buy cell phones. Cue dark lonely road, wife with kids driving in the snow/rain; and the rest is history.

    One day we may see the same strategy used to market tracking implants. Cue nuclear winter…


  6. LightningRose says: March 26, 20113:49 pm

    That kid’s faux Mohawk is almost 50 years ahead of the time!

  7. Charlene says: March 26, 20118:45 pm

    I’m still wondering how a phone is meant to help with a baby’s nervous breakdown.

    @Toronto, they don’t panhandle here: they’re all gainfully employed. They just sit in Starbucks all afternoon and debate Libya.

  8. Hirudinea says: March 26, 201111:23 pm

    I just checked the translation, what the kid actually said was “Screw the phone, change my damn diaper!”

    @Charlene LOL! (I’m a Horton’s man.)

  9. whoozle whaazle says: March 28, 20114:58 pm

    @Charlene @Hirudinea

    How about a cookie to go with that coffee?

    ‘I’m eating my cookie!’

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