If a Jelly Fish Could Slap a Rat in the Face (Mar, 1924)

What does this guy have against rats, and how does he know jelly fish share his opinion? I have arms and a backbone, yet I have no desire to slap a rat in the face. Also, why wouldn’t the jelly fish just sting the rat. Many of them are poisonous.

Later in the ad Mr. Ratslapper promises that “Your lungs will start pumping real oxygen into your blood”. To me this should be the headline. I mean, where did this fake oxygen come from? Is it a conspiratorial plot by the dioxy industrial complex? Should we be scared?

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If a Jelly Fish Could Slap a Rat in the Face

he would do it. But he can’t. He has no arms. Neither does he have a backbone. How much worse off is a man who was given a good backbone and a pair of arms— and won’t use them.

No Excuse

We excuse the jelly fish. He never had anything to work on. But there is no excuse for a flabby, round-shouldered and flat-chested specimen of a man. You were given a perfect framework for a body. You were meant to rule the world, but there is hardly an animal alive which does not show better sense than you do.

Cut It Out, Fellows

Brace up and be the man you were meant to be. Don’t try to imitate a jelly fish. Get some pep into you and make a real He man out of yourself. Come on and let me help you. I’ll shoot a thrill into you that will make your old spine quiver with excitement. I’ll build up that chest, broaden those shoulders and give you the huge, muscular arms of an athlete. And that’s not all. Your lungs will start pumping real oxygen into your blood, purifying your entire system. Those old cobwebs in your brain will disappear. Your eyes will radiate the life within you. You will have a spring to your step, and every move you make will show new life and energy.

It’s Not Too Late

I don’t care what your present condition is. The weaker you are, the more noticeable the results. All you need is a framework and enough ambition left to say “I’m ready. Let’s go!” I’m going to put one full inch on your arms in just 30 days. Yes, and two inches on your chest. But that’s only a starter. Then watch ’em grow. I’ll put pep into your old backbone and build up every muscle on your body so that your own friends won’t know you. This is no idle talk, fellows. I don’t promise these things—I guarantee them. Come on then and make me prove it. That’s what I like.

Send For My New 64 Page Book— Muscular Development”

It contains forty-three full page photographs of myself and some of the many prize-winning pupils I have trained. Many of these are leaders in their business professions today. I have not only given them a body to be proud of, but made them better doctors, lawyers, merchants, etc. Some of these came to me as pitiful weaklings, imploring me to help them. Look them over now and you will marvel at their present physiques.

Dept. 2003, 305 Broadway, New York City

  1. Caya says: May 15, 200711:09 am

    I have to wonder who the 43 full page photographs of Himself and Many Prize-Winning Pupils is aimed at. This is a very amusing ad, altogether!

  2. Stannous says: May 15, 200710:26 pm

    I’d put my money on a giant squid in the grudge match.

  3. Blurgle says: May 15, 200711:30 pm

    His right shoulder looks like it’s been slapped by a rat.

  4. Blurgle says: May 16, 20073:21 am

    Caya, if you really want to know, here’s the book.

    Everything is on the web.

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