Weird Beauty Devices
These old magazines are full of devices for improving women’s appearance. 90% of them are completely useless, and some are even dangerous. Here are a few of my favorites:
MACHINE MEASURES BEAUTY OF FACE
According to the article this machine, designed by Max Factor, will measure the beauty of a woman’s face. I’m not really sure how that’s supposed to work, but the picture looks like a scene right out of a Frankenstein meets Hellraiser movie. Here’s another article that provides different view of this instrument of
Woman Invents Dimple Machine
I guess this would work. If you consider annoying red welts to be dimples.
Glamour Bonnet Provides Vacuum to Aid Complexion
According to the inventor of this device, the Glamour Bonnet provides an effect that is “…similar to what a person feels who climbs a high mountain or flies high in a plane…”. That’s right ladies, just remember that the secret to looking good (or at least thinking you look good) is hypoxia.
Stencil for Lipstick
I really can’t speak definitively on this, since I’ve never actually applied lipstick. However it seems to me that the job of positioning and holding this one-size fit’s all stencil while applying the lipstick might actually be more difficult than the original task.
“Magic Chair” for Beauty
This is the one item on this list that looks like it might actually be useful, it’s just a home gym. Though I doubt you’d have any luck reducing the size of your chin as the caption for this image indicates.
SHIELD ON EYEGLASSES PROTECTS THE NOSE
Besides the fact that this thing just looks ridiculous, do you think the inventor considered what the user would look like when they took it off at the end of the day? A white nosed raccoon, that’s what you’d look like.
Freckleproof Cape Protects Bather
If you are so prone to sunburn that you have to wear a polka-dotted hazmat suit just to go outdoors, perhaps Florida is not the right place for you to live.
Expand Your Chest with THE PSYCHO-EXPANDER
These magazines are rife with products promising women to “develop their form” and teach them to increase their “lung capacity” but I’m particularly fond of the PSYCHO-EXPANDER.
Breathing Balloon for Big Breasts
Here’s another device for “developing your form”, plus it lets you measure your lung capacity, that must be what women bought it for, right?
BEARD IS REMOVED WITH MUD AND USE OF X-RAYS
This is the only device on the list that is meant for men, and also the only one that looks like it’s actually harmful. Very harmful. Terrifyingly harmful. Using radiation to remove hair is sort of like amputating your leg to lose weight.